Woody Allen quotes

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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
Comedy
Drama
Problems
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
Night
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
Home
Wife
Boats
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
God
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
Car
Being
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
God
Opposition
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
Mistakes
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
Lie
Sleep
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
Life
Death
Evening
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Money
Financial
Poverty
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
Time
Fun
Rest
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
Luck
Night
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
Life
Regret
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
God
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Woody Allen
Death
Lying