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When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Mark Twain

People

Hair

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Mark Twain

Truth

Doubt

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Mark Twain

People

Being

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

Mark Twain

Men

Women

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

Mark Twain

Life

We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain

Government

Money

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Mark Twain

Man

Old

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

Mark Twain

Exercise

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

Education

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

Mark Twain

Time

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Mark Twain

Man

Word