W. C. Fields quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W. C. Fields

Feet

Nothing

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

Decency

Woman

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields

Hate

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

W. C. Fields

HusbActor

Devil

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

W. C. Fields

Vote

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

W. C. Fields

Nerves

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W. C. Fields

Fish

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

Drinking

Now

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.