Rodney Dangerfield quotes

  1. Home
  2. Rodney Dangerfield quotes
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
Dying
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
Opinion
Ugly
Want
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
Mother
Friend
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
Mother
Sickness
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage
Wife
Boyfriend
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
Father
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Family
Dogs
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Rodney Dangerfield
Arguments
Being
Fact
Party
Talking
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
Time
Acting
Actor
Deals
Emotions
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
Wife
Kisses
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life
Sex
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
Drinking
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
Age
Food
Life
Sex
Fact
Kitchen
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
Pet
People