Rodney Dangerfield quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Rodney Dangerfield

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield