Rodney Dangerfield quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

Search for quotes

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

Home

Day

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

Luck

Running

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

Family

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

People

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

Time

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

Parents

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

Parents

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage

Sleep

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Rodney Dangerfield

Ugly