I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates.
Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.
I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously.
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.