I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.