Steven Wright quotes

  1. Home
  2. Steven Wright quotes
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Steven Wright
Company
Wrong
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
Steven Wright
End
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Buying
Clothes
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
Car
Play
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Now
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Curiosity
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Steven Wright
Time
Coffee
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Country
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
Birthday
Singing
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Car
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Time
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
Advertising
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Talk
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
God
Civilization
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Steven Wright
Work
Fire