Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.