A man in a bookstore buys a book on loneliness and every woman in the store hits on him. A woman buys a book on loneliness and the store clears out.
Adventure without risk is Disneyland.
Americans are a quarter of a billion people who have almost nothing in common except for the fact they've been told they have lots in common.
Before machines the only form of entertainment people really had was relationships.
Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question; you're already an animal.
Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
I find it hard to believe that human beings are the crowning achievement of life on earth. Something better than us has to come along.
Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony, which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value.
Canadians can easily 'pass for American' as long as we don't accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.
Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
Cloning is great. If God made the original, then making copies should be fine.
Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.
Depression is when you have lots of love, but no one's taking.
Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.
Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.