The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.
You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it, and if you do, it ain't worth it.
When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.
They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again.
They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?
They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.
You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right.
The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.
You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.
The trick is growing up without growing old.
The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds.
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.