Andy Rooney quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

Andy Rooney

Purpose

Old

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

Andy Rooney

Men

Law

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.

Andy Rooney

Time

Eyes

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

Andy Rooney

Sales

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Andy Rooney

Happiness

Life

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Andy Rooney

Forget

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Andy Rooney

Death

Rumor

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Andy Rooney

Smile

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Andy Rooney

Golf

Television

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.