I have a hotline to the tabloids. When I get up in the morning, I call the Star, and the last thing at night, I call them. I want them to have the inside track.

Look for someone who has a complete life without you in it. If you have a person you don't need for anything, that's ideal. You're just together because you really want to be.

We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.

Feminism is dated? Yes, for privileged women like my daughter and all of us here today, but not for most of our sisters in the rest of the world who are still forced into premature marriage, prostitution, forced labor - they have children that they don't want or they cannot feed.

If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks.

Try not to do too many things at once. Know what you want, the number one thing today and tomorrow. Persevere and get it done.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.