What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools.

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.