Johnny Carson quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.