Henny Youngman quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.