David Letterman quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

Search for quotes

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

David Letterman

Trying

Unconscious

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

David Letterman

Civilization

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.

David Letterman

Race

Will

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

David Letterman

Idea

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

David Letterman

Importance

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.