Dave Barry quotes

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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Dave Barry
Chicago
Fans
Football
Games
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Dave Barry
Fun
Trees
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
People
Popular
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
Dave Barry
Time
People
Management
Democrats
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
Time
Choice
Holiday
Religious
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
People
Religious
Want
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
Beer
Example
Water
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
History
Development
Communication
Internet
Invention
Waiting
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Dave Barry
Society
Future
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
Death
Cause
Fashion
Leading
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Dave Barry
Time
Doubt
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
Dave Barry
Television
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry
Religion
Age
Gender
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barry
Trust
Fish
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
Sports
Winter