If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
It's all been satirized for your protection.
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?