I think when you've lost an election by 179, there's going to be a period of time after eighteen years in government when you can't do anything right, and people just kick you for the sake of it, will never admit they voted Conservative.

But I certainly made mistakes, for which I regret, I think most human beings in their lifetime make mistakes, mine ended up in two years prison - two very remarkable years from which I learnt a lot.

And I did wonder - because it's now three years ago since I left prison - whether there would come a time when I would forget it, or it would be in the past as anything else might be - no, it's there every day of my life.

Well I certainly have learned and I hope I'm moving on and certainly two years of prison was a terrible punishment.

I went to school for about 2 years on a technical course, and I learned a lot. I learned about air mixture ratios and all the stuff; I learned how to draw blood.

I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.

The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.

I find that people are constantly coming up to me now. There's been a definite surge of people recognizing me and I'm not sure if it has to do with the DVDs or not, but I've sort of assumed that it does because the show has been off the air for three years now.

Five years from now I'm probably going to look back on the things I'm doing and cringe.

Courage! I have shown it for years; think you I shall lose it at the moment when my sufferings are to end?

This is rather different from the receptions I used to get fifty years ago. They threw things at me then but they were not roses.

Have a working spouse, because you won't earn a living from writing - not at first, if ever. My wife worked for years to support us.

Keep writing, because not only does practice improve skill, it gives you more chances to score on the market. I did that for eight years before making my first sale.

Where studious of ease, I slumbered seven years, and then lost by degrees.