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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

Marriage

Success

Hollywood

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner

Boyfriend

Want

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

Rita Rudner

Love

Purpose

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Rita Rudner

Office

Portraits

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner

Husbands

Woman

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

Men