Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep.
An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat.
My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone- but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.
For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.
Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.
Manners are love in a cool climate.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.
The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.