Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?

It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.

I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum.

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.

Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.

Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it.

It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.

However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.

Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.

For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change.

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.