P. J. O'Rourke quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

P. J. O'Rourke

Government

Feeling

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

P. J. O'Rourke

Government

Selling

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

P. J. O'Rourke

Autobiography

Celebrity

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

P. J. O'Rourke