George Carlin quotes

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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
Example
Fact
Right
Trying
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
Driving
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
Death
Party
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Soul
Belief
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Electricity
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
Pet
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Death
Time
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
Truth
Language
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
Atheism
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin
Peace
Fighting
Virginity
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Evil
May
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin
Family
Argument
Night
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
Girls
Reason
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
Time
Work
People
Dream
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
Religion
Control
Mind