I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.
I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.
And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.
You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.