A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.