Aunt Marion was right... Never marry a musician, and never answer the door.

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Try not to have a good time... this is supposed to be educational.

There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.

Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed.