Taxes are like abortion, and not just because both are grotesque procedures supported by Democrats. You're for them or against them. Taxes go up or down; government raises taxes or lowers them. But Democrats will not let the words "abortion" or "tax hikes" pass their lips.

I know Jesus Christ died for my sins, and that's all I really need to know.

Ironically, since Obama was elected, for the first time in my life I'm sometimes not proud of my country.

In fact Sarah Palin has created more jobs than Obama has. She created eleven jobs fact-checking at the AP just for the Palin autobiography.

If the press really thinks Obama is Lincoln, they ought to treat him like they treated Bush, 'cause that's how they treated Lincoln. His critics compared Lincoln to an ape; they called him an illiterate baboon.

If only Al Sharpton were around, Lincoln would have known he was a victim of racism.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

I've decided to cut out the part of the speech where I say anything nice about Democrats.

Liberal soccer moms are precisely as likely to receive anthrax in the mail as to develop a capacity for linear thinking.

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

If a university official's letter accusing a speaker of having a proclivity to commit speech crimes before she's given the speech - which then leads to Facebook postings demanding that Ann Coulter be hurt, a massive riot and a police-ordered cancellation of the speech - is not hate speech, then there is no such thing as hate speech.

Four years of Jimmy Carter gave us two titanic Reagan landslides, peace and prosperity for eight blessed years - and even a third term for his feckless vice president, George H.W. Bush.

Democrats couldn't care less if people in Indiana hate them. But if Europeans curl their lips, liberals can't look at themselves in the mirror.

Democrats always assure us that deterrence will work, but when the time comes to deter, they're against it.

Clinton's attempt to socialize healthcare was the second most disgusting thing he did in the oval office. I can't remember was the first thing was.