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President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.

Conan O'Brien

Baseball

Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.

Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.

The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.

Conan O'Brien

President

And I will do everything that I can as long as I am President of the United States to remind the American people that we are one nation under God, and we may call that God different names but we remain one nation.

Al Qaeda is still a threat. We cannot pretend somehow that because Barack Hussein Obama got elected as president, suddenly everything is going to be OK.

Barack Obama

President

I don't take a dime of their [lobbyist] money, and when I am president, they won't find a job in my White House.

I think it is important for Europe to understand that even though I am president and George Bush is not president, Al Qaeda is still a threat.

Barack Obama

Europe

President

I consider it part of my responsibility as President of the United States to fight against negative stereotypes of Islam wherever they appear.

We need earmark reform, and when I'm President, I will go line by line to make sure that we are not spending money unwisely.

Since I'm the president and Democrats have controlled the House and the Senate, it's understandable that people are saying, you know, 'What have you done?'

The reason given by the President in asking Congress to declare war against Germany is that the German government has declared certain war zones, within which, by the use of submarines, she sinks, without notice, American ships and destroys American lives.

George William Norris

People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook. I earned everything I've got.

Richard M. Nixon

People

President

I have never been a quitter. To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body. But as president I must put the interests of America first Therefore, I shall resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow.