But, you know, I just want to play well and have fun playing well.
I do still have some of the experience from playing, but it's been so long since I've been out in those quarters, semis, finals, the important final matches, just against the top players.
I feel like I've started a new chapter in my life, and I need to leave the past behind.
To win Grand Slams you have to be in the right frame of mind, the right physical shape.
I had an instinct before and maybe now I don't have that instinct as much as knowing what to do, what shots to hit, where to place the ball, things like that.
I just want to get to the level where I can say that that's my level, just try to play well, get up there.
I know there is much mystery, much question to what happened, and I must also say, many lies.
I mean, obviously, a lot of people know me around the world. Kids know me.
I'm happy with what I've done but it's a challenge to try to win more.
It wasn't my tennis that made me lose, it was a lot of different things going on, high drama, high emotion.
Let me say that the path I did take for a brief period of my life was not of reckless drug use, hurting others, but it was a path of quiet rebellion, of a little experimentation of a darker side of my confusion in a confusing world, lost in the midst of finding my identity.
Now a lot has changed and I can separate a lot of things.
People want to hear what I have to say and respect what I say.
What I want out of tennis is not necessarily just winning.
Yes, I made mistakes by rebelling, by acting out in confused ways.