Elayne Boosler quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.