Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? The mother.

Men don't get smarter when they grow older. They just lose their hair.

It took me years to figure out that you don't fall into a tub of butter, you jump for it.

It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it.

I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of anything else. Well, so did I once, but that was before the egg and I.

Audiences always sound like they're glad to see me, and I'm damned glad to see them.

I know what's best for me, after all I have been in the Claudette Colbert business longer than anybody.