Billy Connolly quotes | Thousands Of Quotes

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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

Billy Connolly

People

Dogs

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Billy Connolly

Being

Fame

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

Billy Connolly

Word

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Billy Connolly

Love

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly

Army

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

Billy Connolly

First

Name

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly

Marriage

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly

Thinking

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Billy Connolly

Pet

Parents

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Billy Connolly

Imagination

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.