There's really no point in having children if you're not going to be home enough to father them.

My family had all kinds of complications in relationships. I would like to meet the person who did not. Since when is being absolutely perfect what being a human is? What do we gain from that?

Flying back from New York, the flight attendant said 'God, I wished you were here yesterday, we had a stroke on the plane. I said, if I have a stroke on a plane, I hope the pretend doctor isn't the one on the plane. I want a real doctor.