Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a "map" for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.
Grief is a process, not a state.
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Just as the body goes into shock after a physical trauma, so does the human psyche go into shock after the impact of a major loss.
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. It is originally an unlearned feeling process. Keeping grief inside increases your pain.