Fred Allen quotes

  1. Home
  2. Fred Allen quotes
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen
Press
Will
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
Talent
Will
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
Men
Talk
Today
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Men
Committee
Nothing
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
Tax
Income
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen
Hollywood
Will
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
Advertising
Confusion
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
Man
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
Humor
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
Gentleman
Woman
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
People
Nothing
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
People
Committee
Nothing
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Life
Being
Celebrity
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen
Life
Success
Actor
Popularity
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
Committee