Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.